Why Do We Do What We Do?

Did you ever hear, “I can’t believe they, or I, did that?” Well believe it, for in that persons mind it seemed to be a perfectly logical or at least balanced choice at the moment. Whether inspired by emotion, hardship, training or calculated risk, the action that was taken was the best option apparently available to reach some desired outcome. I should obviously add one element to the action equation and that is failing to fully assimilate all relevant factors prior to taking action. But isn’t that the game of life, a game we all must play?

As depicted in the diagram the way we respond to a stimulus is predicated on a combination of our current environment, the society in which we live, our previous experiences, and our current work. Our response to a situation is first influenced by our current environment, driven by our home and family life, the current dominant influences of those closest to us, and our physical, and mental, health and fitness.

Next our societal views, influenced by the prevailing views of those closest to us, the media, our perceived social status, our religious beliefs and the morale majorities latest point of view. Our views on society are constantly updated by these sources. In some situations these may have the greatest influence on our values and behaviors and can be at the root of some of our most dramatic actions, or inaction.

The next building block comes from past experiences that include our education, whether formal or informal, our upbringing, jobs or ventures we have had before , experiments we have tried, failures we have experienced, and our prior social interactions with bosses, co-workers, friends, parents, siblings, and others that we look to for behavioral cues.

Finally, our current work and our performance t here, which influences our feeling of security at work. These perceptions are shown by many studies to be influenced by our feelings of belonging, the workplace norms, and our level of satisfaction, not only with the job but with those whom we work. Do you feel secure in your job? If so, you are likely to invest more in your happiness, a new patio set, a family vacation or another child, and in general feel better about yourself. Note that the opposite may also apply.

All these factors combine to influence our processing of any given situation at that split second we make one decision over the other. They are all intertwined, and combine to provide some powerful compulsions to act or believe in one way or another, with consequences for better or for worse. This does not imply that all our reactions and decisions are from the gut, quite the opposite, if anything this better defines our “Gut”. Even if we have the time to contemplate our next action these elements coalesce to develop our unique response, action or behavior. By reflecting on our actions, or at least better evaluating why we do what we do, we can get closer to embracing who we are.

As with all decisions, there are consequences. These consequences, both good, and those perceived by us as bad, as in “Geessh, I won’t do that again!” provide continued growth and awareness into our decisions and how we have been impacted by the consequences of others decisions. So stop beating yourself up over the bad decisions you have made, or the impacts of others, they are in the past. You now know that you have the ability to more consciously evaluate why you or someone else acted in one way or another and embrace, or work to enhance, any of these factors. You can now get over it and move forward,
You’re OK.

Get Over it - What do you need to get over?

Often times we get so wrapped up in the little aggravating stuff that it distracts us from living life to its fullest. We may get distracted or aggravated by things we really can't control or do anything about.

When we can't get over "it" we are stuck in the past. Instead, get over it and move ahead. Many of the things we need to get over seem innocent on the surface, yet in our mind may be major psyche changing distractions, evoking seemingly irrational actions or behaviors. Are these driven by our perceptions gone wild, or are we acting in line with some preconceived or expected script? By working through the get over it worksheet, or simply jotting your thoughts down in your journal, you come closer to the real answers.

There are many other issues that fall into the “Get over it” classification, and the idea is for you to start generating your own list of the silly little things that you let distract, dissuade or even devastate you. Ask yourself how often these annoyances have diverted your focus to things that are of little consequence in your life? Unless you plan on doing something about it, and I am not saying you should not, the anger and negative emotions are simply eating you up. There are plenty of things that truly require our attention, focus there. The main message here is that things are never as bad as we think they are and much of our worry is overrated and generated by outside influences. What will my friends think? What will my family think? What will my boss think? All valid questions, but they should not drive us to the point of paralysis, psychosis, ongoing bad feelings or even worse doing something stupid. By getting over the stuff, that in actuality is relatively minor, we can focus on the issues that truly impact our lives. Once you begin to do this consistently, you will begin to get a better understanding of how you view things allowing you and your loved ones to get closer to you!

We all have recurring thoughts or themes in our lives. Realize that this is part of who you are. The people you hang out with, the intensity of your religious and various personal beliefs, the clothes you wear the pictures on your wall, your thoughts toward your fellow human beings, both those closest to you and strangers. Are you more trusting or suspicious? When the cashier gives you too much change, what do you do? All indicate the direction that our morale compass points. You can change direction if you think you are lost, but to change direction you need to fully understand what direction you are headed now, and more importantly, who is guiding you. Now that I have you grappling with moralistic issues, Get over it! You know how to live your life, you know what you like, what you believe, what your morale and ethical limits are, it’s you, stop questioning it.

Start by jotting down the things that you feel you may need to get over, list a few options outlining what you can do about it, if anything, and by what date you plan on doing this. Once you have gotten over it, place an X next to it. Make copies and stick this on your refrigerator as a constant reminder of how great you are.

GET OVER IT WORKSHEET
1. What bothers me?
2. What can I do about it?
3. Action plan / deadline
4. I Got Over It! (X)































This is an important first step and will identify many of the psychological pressures you currently deal with allowing you to better handle them without freaking out