Layers

The layers of our body, mind and spirit build up continually throughout our lives, weaved of our daily experience. Every time we laugh, every time we feel joy, do well, help another or nurture our relationships a layer is placed, the greater the joy, the thicker the layer. Our layers have been placed to protect us, defend us, help us gain acceptance or move us toward some perceived goal. Layers are also placed every time we are hurt, every time we are manipulated or intimidated, lied to, abandoned or deceived, and every time we discredit ourselves through self-defacing acts. This normally occurs when we are the ones doing any of the later mentioned above.

The buildup of these layers is largely unavoidable as much of the deposit occurs at the cellular, some may say spiritual, level. The thickest layers are laid during our formative childhood, yet experience and genetics can add much to the wonderfully ornate matrix. It is most important to understand that we have the ultimate control over the placement, removal and management of these layers, especially if you come to find that some are leading you to uncomfortably dark tunnels, hurting those closest to you or holding your true potential at bay.

Eventually layers manifest themselves in physical or mental characteristics. The more you exercise the stronger you become, the more you read or meditate the more enlightened you become, the more you interact, the stronger your social skills become. The more you are deceived, the more shielded you become, the more you try to gain acceptance, the more you accept the layers of others, the more ….(you enter your own special circumstance here), the thicker the layers become. Like a gently falling snow, inches turn into feet.

Layers, as with anything, can be good, bad, or any shade in between depending on your particular life experience and perspective. Yours are a mixture of conscious experience and barely perceptible sensitivities, they are uniquely you. With each stimulation of our hippocampus, each release of dopamine, or energy spike, a microscopic layer of memory is laid to memorialize the event and the results of our reaction to it.

These layers become who we are, influencing our actions, reactions and urges, and ultimately how we impact others, in mind, in body and in spirit. Our individual perceptions of our true being are dependent on our awareness of our layers. Sounds easy but the problem is that few of us are actually even aware of these deposits. Can you see all the trees in your forest?

This understanding will allow you to examine your layers so you can build on the positive ones, better manage the ones that give you that special edge, and remove the ones you have come to detest. Do not think that I am sending you on a demon hunt or advocating some manner self-sacrifice, this is not about guilt, this is about freedom, understanding, strength and a tomorrow that is a little better than yesterday.

This leads us to our insight on the deeper process of deposit and more importantly the journey that must be followed to peel off the unwanted layers, once you consciously agree that something is clouding your true being. Let’s start with a simple examination of one of the most common cause of built up layers in our lives, food. You will hopefully note that the same process discussed here is at the root of most of our layers.

Eating food stimulates many things in our life. At the most basic level, it provides assurance that we will live another day, drawing on just the right nutrients to satisfy the needs of our body. Miraculously the cells in our body go to work on each bite of food we take, looking for all the needed pieces, just as if they were building a fortress. These cellular workers add the acid to breakdown that piece of food just right or a few white blood cells to take care of that unwanted bacteria. A little vitamin D from that bite will be taken to the bones, and the salt is just right for our fluid balance and nerve conduction needs. Just enough carbohydrates to throw into the furnace, the rest they will store for colder days. Our bodies and minds unite to operate as a perfect machine, making split second, imperceptible decisions for our well-being.

Our minds, consciously or subconsciously, influence our actions to select the next meal built off the experience of the last. This is no doubt how cooking our food came to be as the roasted meat and gristle has a more pleasing, stimulating taste, and this is also why we eat fried chicken instead of fried skunk.

We now find that we have advanced to the point where food is no longer viewed simply as our next life giving meal; it has transcended its basic function and taken on a whole new social and entertainment value, which in its self produces reactions within the body and mind that are pleasurable, oh so satisfying and potentially addicting, in some cases having nothing to do with the food itself. Much of our social world is built around food. Bagels at meetings, our next romantic date at the most impressive restaurant, new colorful, benefit promising packaging, or the urge for the latest advertised food like product, all move food into a new social playground. The layer is added to our being, and our waistline.

I am not trying to delve into an examination of addiction here as I believe it is a well-known concept that unfortunately is not well understood. When, as a society, our primary treatments for anything are endless diagnostic tests and pills, it is a clear sign that we do not understand something and perhaps this is another layer of its own. More so an explanation of the difficulty we may run into when we try to confront troublesome layers. If we do not embrace how they were laid the paint we use to cover them will eventually fade.

The miracles of modern science have indeed produced some very effective means of fixing the particular thing that ails you physically or mentally. Yet as the lengthy disclaimers attest to, the unanticipated effects are not well understood. What is understood, and very well by the way, is our own ability to cast off even our deepest, darkest, unwanted layers. It is the most effective solution to discard the unwanted baggage of your life and allow your positive, untarnished layers to rise to the surface.

The first step is obviously to identify the layers and what people or events helped form them, hopefully before the negative ones totally consume you. Do not be discouraged if you feel they already have, for they too can be cast off. It does take a little more work on your part, no magic pills or miracles here, but they can be shed. Now it is time to do some deep soul searching and for this you may need an outside tour guide to help you through your personal journey. You can start this expedition simply enough, working through questionnaires or checklists and making entries in journals, perhaps a relaxing massage and some meditation to help your mind find the answers it seeks.

As you continue to do these activities on a regular basis you will be preparing yourself for the deeper questions, and the more important answers. Answers that at first you may not understand nor even hear, until you are sufficiently along in your journey and ready to hear them. Each answer will unfold at the correct time allowing yet another layer to fall off, to be replaced with a new shiny enlightened one. Eventually these answers will resonate beyond your mind, moving throughout the cellular structure of your body to align with the energy of your spirit. In closing, regardless of where you are in your current journey, always remember you are in control, you’re OK.

A Society of Hate and Fear

A Society of Hate and Fear

James Douglas Tippett

  Have we become a society of hate and fear? Is that our place in the universe, the role of the human race? We fear terrorism as a threat to our country, our freedom, which is its very goal, to the point where we are giving up those very freedoms as granted by our founding fathers. We fear criticism so we suppress free speech and those of us with nothing to say are OK with that. We grow to fear speaking out against government because somehow they have gained total control, not as intended by our Constitution.  They now can terrorize you with the IRS, the justice department and homeland security.  Even local police departments have become more aggressive, intrusive and tyrannical in their tactics. And let’s not forget the general media, propagating hate and fear sells, or at least it seems to be what we are drawn to watch.

  Hate is driven by fear because we usually end up hating what we fear. Again, we give up our freedoms because we hate terrorists because they are the ones who, as argued by the ones taking our freedoms away, are the ones responsible. We then of course hate anyone who shares a similar heritage as a terrorist. As if we can tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shi’ite Muslim, just as we can’t tell the difference between a Catholic and a Protestant.  All of us have an opinion as to what we hate driven to some extent by fear.

  But we don’t need the government or terrorists to fear, it seems to be the very thing we thrive on throughout the course of a typical day. The fear of not getting the best price, fear of not having enough food for the next storm, fear of reprimands at our job, and yes, even the fear of being eaten by zombies.  

 We hate those in front of us in line as they have no right to check out before us, and those questions they are asking the clerk can’t be nearly as important as the questions we have. If we examine this, perhaps all too common scenario, does the “who” of those in front of you enter into the mix? Is your reaction different, if the person is old or young, attractive or ugly, white or black, arrogant or humble?

  We hate not getting the best price, feeling we have somehow been scammed, sometimes to the point of never visiting the hated store again because of the one dollar saving we found on the internet. We fear that we have been taken advantage of or that we will appear stupid when we boast of our new possession. 

 We fear being sued and therefore we hate lawyers, just as lawyers hate people who make statements like that. Why? I have no reason.  Other than to refer back to my earlier comments on freedom of speech which now is viewed by many to be defamation of character.

  We fear strangers, foreigners and others “not like us”. Those who are different than our world view of what acceptable is, without even having to meet them. It is so much easier to hate the whole lot of them then it is to identify the few true stigma drivers. Herein lays the same mindsets that result in the most heinous acts ever perpetrated by mankind throughout history. 

  The other interesting thing about hate and fear is that they are fully transferable; to, or from, our parents, our children, our friends, and strangely enough to those we hate and fear. Sooner or later we end up doing something to those whom we think we hate and fear for some reason, and in turn they end up getting reinforcement of their hate of us, and on down the line. When asked what started all the hatred, many have no clue. No events or recollections directly related to their experience, more so based on tribal knowledge handed down by parents, friends and dare I say the media or our very own government.

  Yet no one wants to pierce the veil as to why we keep living this way. Why we would rather reach out in hate born of our fears, as opposed to reaching out in a desire for peace. An individual, group, community, state or country of hate breeds more fear and hate. It is almost as if it is a comfort zone for many. To lay down the proverbial sword takes much trust, on both sides, and that seems to be in short supply by our very nature, our ingrained survival instincts. 

  Think of the top five individuals, groups, countries, religions or ethnicity that you hate. Write down the qualities that you hate. Now look at the list and see if any of these items, if looked at in reverse, may describe you. 

  As an example, if you list religion as one of the traits you hate in your foe, ask “What are my religious beliefs and how strongly do I hold them?” Could they be viewed just as negatively by the other party? Why? Ask what is at the root of my fear, what is at the root of my hate? Perhaps the most important question for us all is where has it gotten us? How many have died, how many sit in a jail cell and how many lives have been trashed out of some mindless fear or hatred?

  So now we come to the part about where we ask, “What now?”  First and foremost we need to understand that it doesn’t start with “Them”. It doesn’t start with the government or those not like us or the media, your friends or parents. It starts with you! Yes you own it. It is all about how you choose to view and interact with your environment. The challenge I have for you lasts only one month. Each day of the month select one of the perform one of the action below. 

ü         0 When shopping, make eye contact with someone and say “Hi, How’s it going?

ü          0 If there is a disturbing story on the news, change the channel. 

ü          0 If there is a disturbing story in the paper, flip to the comics or the crosswords.

ü          0  Talk a walk around your neighborhood, simply wave or say “Hi!” to anyone you see.

ü           0 When driving, do not tailgate and if someone has their blinker on let them in. When someone does the same for you, give them a friendly thank you wave.

ü          0 If you see someone who may need; help with lifting something, opening a door or getting directions, offer to help.

ü          0  If someone in a store or restaurant does something nice or gives you good service get their name and call their manager or their corporate office at let them know about it.  

ü        0  Pick one person you encounter during the day and be thankful they are there.

ü        0 Sit quietly for 20 minutes with no TV, no radio and reflect on what ever enters your mind.

        By all means do not let this list constrain you, feel free to come up with your own.  

  At the end of the month it will be up to you to decide on the result, but I can guarantee that if you have done these things for (at least a month) you will experience less hate and fear in your life. You will have also  most likely reduced the magnitude of another persons hate and fear. For you see it does not take an act of the government to make hate or fear less; the root of it all lies with each of us, every day with every interaction. 

Please feel free to share your results.  

Are you Stymied by Stigmas?

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Stigmas; many definitions, most relate to something bad, or socially unacceptable, like a stigma against people with mental health issues. At this I must laugh. For if we examine our lives deep enough we all may exhibit some stigma evoking trait. It is not too far of a stretch to expand the definition of a stigma to include “a prejudicial thought, response or act that is evoked in response to another person associated with a physical, observable trait”. What ever your impression of my definition is, it is at least as good as the ones out there now and perhaps closer to how it is used in society.

Need some validity, lets go to the source, you!

After you read the following words, what is the first thought, image, or visualization that comes into your mind? No thinking or reasoning allowed, just gut reactions please: Try jotting down a few related thoughts, no more than a sentence. You really don’t even need to jot them down; you know what you are thinking.

Overweight

Beard

Muslim

Politician

Police

Blonde

Protestant

Wheelchair

Psychotherapy

Lawyer

Black

Long hair

Handicapped

Republican

Garbage Man

Californian
Short

Mustache

Mexican

Italian

Democrat

Depressed

Catholic

Bi-Polar Disorder

Southerner

OK that’s enough, you can stop jotting.

Every thought you had, no matter what it was could be considered a stigma, your stigma or your groups stigma. While normally associated with the negative aspects, note that even your positive thoughts may indeed be negative in someone else’s mind, but for now we don’t care about “Them”.

Where do stigmas come from? Are they passed down from generation to generation, those closest to us, or do we develop them on our own from our past experience with a specific individual or some representative group? Is this not at the root of prejudice? Are we queued to act in a certain way due to engrained stigmas? Are stigmas different in different communities, Cities, States or Countries? Of course they are.

Can we be stymied, shut out, ridiculed, laughed at, taken advantage of, passed over, or ignored by others because of who, what, where, or how we are? Of course we can.

Can we ourselves act in a certain way because of our perception of a societal stigma if we have that particular trait? Deeper question, but same answer; Of course we can. In turn does this build on the validity of the stigma? Of course it does.

A quick example; sitting next to each other is a blonde and a brunette. Each is asked a question, each give a stupid answer. The stigma of dumb blonde is enhanced while the brunette can claim to be having a bad day, or that they did not understand the question.

But who is to say what stigma is to be applied? Which ones are never to be spoken of, but still pervade everything we do in our views toward others and in others views toward ourselves? Do stigmas portray our primordial upbringing when we discount reason and pull out our clubs to start the beating? Stigmas prevent us from getting by that all powerful, and often damaging, first impression when outwardly applied and that “I can’t do it!” when inwardly applied.

As a people, race or species, we may never be able to change this, though many will try. But why? Our differences are what make us unique the problem is we haven’t learned how to embrace these differences and leverage the diversity. We instead feel threatened, territorial, we feel the need to flex superiority, or on the other hand feel predestined to a certain way of life, or grapple with what’s “Wrong” with us. Those that live to apply stigmas and perpetrate the negative connotations so often associated with them, are simply trying to advance their own cause. Perhaps even to keep the focus off of their traits that may be the target of some other societal stigma.

Much of our mental health issues, phobias doubts and fear can be related to some sort of stigma, either implanted by others or the ones we let loose on our own. We lose our job, there is a stigma, we get a divorce, there is a stigma, we move to a new town coming from Buffalo, NY, there is a stigma, we are a lawyer, there is a stigma, or we seek help for a mental health issue, and there is yet another stigma. When the damage occurs is when we fail to get over it, fail to say “what in the heck?” or fail to realize, "Hey, I’m OK"!

In Search of Perfect

Is the definition of perfect for a frog the same as perfect for a giraffe? Obviously not, but if the giraffe adopts a vision of perfection as defined by a frog, as in their perfect ability to hide from lions, or the perfection of their ability to survive on a staple of flies and bugs, the giraffe will quickly become disenchanted. The giraffe will soon lose self-esteem and perhaps plunge into a deep dark depression once the realization hits that (s)he will never attain this elusive vision. The frog will revel in the folly.

The only view of perfection that is relevant is the one you hold in your mind’s eye.

I Know It, But I Don't Believe It

I know I am a good person, but I don’t believe it!

I know I am the best at what I do, but I don’t believe it!

I know that I will find that dream job, but I don’t believe it!

I know my family loves me, but I don’t believe it!

I know I love myself, but I don’t believe it!

I know I am OK, But I don’t believe it!

   After reading the statements above, think hard; think down to your soul. We all know many things; things about ourselves, things about others, things about our chosen profession and indeed the world. We all know our skills and abilities; our limits, our likes and dislikes, at least to a certain extent. We all know what “Ideal” would be. Some may indeed reach this ideal yet many do not, for they do not believe they can.

   We have all been aggravated in our personal relationships or at work and we have all thought we could do better. We all know that we are better than or deserve more than our current situation provides, but we do not believe it; we do not believe it in our soul, and we do not believe it on our hearts. We hold ourselves back, we sabotage ourselves, or we let others do it to us. We look for reasons why things will not work, after all “I could never do that” or “the change is so uncertain, too much at stake to take the chance”. We know we can do or be more, but we do not believe it. More accurately, we do not believe in ourselves. Perhaps we have been conditioned by the beliefs of others as to what our ultimate role in life will be. Driven by their beliefs of who we are or what we are capable of. Maybe we are paralyzed by the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, or the fear of the unknown; all are situations where we have let negative beliefs, ours or someone else’s, dominate us. Or perhaps we find ourselves in a somewhat comfortable place and have grown apathetic, telling ourselves, “This will do”, an ultimately more mentally defeating place. But we can change this; it is within each of us.

   Think of anyone you know of that has achieved greatness; Helen Keller, Gandhi, Michael J. Fox  or let’s say Rosa Parks (insert your own vote here). All did not only know they could do it, they believed. They embraced the vision in their head, the energy, and the focus that pointed them to their universe.

   Where did it come from? What is their magical formula? Where did they buy the pixie dust to sprinkle on their heads to take them from knowing to believing? Many books on the topic, I have read most of them. Many movies, I have watched them also. We may begin to believe that it is simply a script, a fantasy created to make us feel good for those fleeting minutes that we are engaged with the source. Deep down we believe these stories are about others, not us. Our accomplishments seem pale by comparison and we discount them. We know that these people are just like us, but we don’t believe it could ever be us.

   So again I ask, where does belief come from? The concept of belief is usually equated to religion. If we look to religion to help us define this we see that belief is more of a mental process or spiritual affirmation as opposed to an observable, quantifiable truth. Our mental process and spiritual affirmations are also influenced by past experience and perceived reality. With this realization perhaps we are getting a little closer to where our belief in ourselves comes from, whether positive or negative. Typically when we think of belief we look up, but what we need to do is look in. Looking in is often easier said than done. Looking in requires quiet contemplation, a recollection of past success, an exploration of current opportunity and strengths. We may find that we have been caught in the trap of reflecting only on that which is negative from our past or present. Or perhaps we allow others to influence our beliefs of the world and our belief in ourselves. Even if this belief is nurturing and positive, it will not make a difference until WE believe it.

“We can not value our accomplishments, or believe in our potential, until we value and believe in ourselves”

   "I knew I could put a new window in my house, but until I did it I did not believe it. I knew I could make the sale, but until I did, I did not believe it." In these scenario’s you found a belief in yourself through the accomplishment of a task, you had a thought, you got up off the coach and went and did it!

   "I knew I could find true love, but until I did, I did not believe it. I knew I was OK, but until I saw me, I did not believe it." With these scenarios the meaning is less quantifiable. What is true love? What is OK? Until you realize that these elements are defined by you and only you, you will wrestle with your belief in yourself. Close your eyes and let the world go for a minute. Reflect on your inner thoughts and feelings to find your answers. Once you do, write them down so you can reflect on them in the future. 

   Belief is when you look in the mirror and smile.

   Belief is when you just know things will be OK, when you nurture your soul, when you believe you are right.

   Belief comes from the very roots of the soul, from the deepest crevice of your heart and the whole of your brain.

   It can not be touched or held or put on a shelf. Your belief in yourself comes from within, from your conversations with yourself! If these conversations are negative, you will have negative beliefs, when they are positive the world will open to you.

That is where belief comes from! It was inside you all along.