Light Switches, Windows and Doors

Light Switches Windows and Doors

By Jim Tippett

  This is not a workshop on home remodeling, just one on remodeling how you pursue opportunities and perhaps your life. As I reflect upon the coming of the New Year and my obligatory resolutions, I keep coming back to these simple concepts, more so realizations, on how, with the use of a little metaphoric liberty, they hold the key to our success and quality of life.

   Light switches are used to control the flow of energy; windows are used to allow light and fresh air to come into our lives and to allow us to gaze out into our world or into others. Doors are used to provide a walkway into or out of different areas of our lives. Doors can be locked to keep us safe or they can be barred from the other side. As with light switches and windows, we select to fling the door open to new opportunity or simply keep it shut. The important thing to understand is that the opening and closing is controlled, or at least strongly influenced, entirely by you.

   First, light switches. We have all attended an inspiring seminar or class, and we have all come up with that really great idea or resolved to manifest a New Year’s intention. The moment truly inspires you, your mind is alive with possibilities, and you feel in touch with the way things are supposed to be. The light switch is on and the juice is flowing, every neuron is firing with potential, you cannot wait to get to “IT”. You leave the moment through a different door and as you pass through you notice a different world than the one you left just a while ago. The air is fresher, the colors are brighter and you are walking with a new confidence. You can view a new day, a new you. You can see each step of the path and the way around every obstacle is clear. What happens from that point forward is the basis of this workshop.

   The light switch, when turned on, allows energy to flow through your chosen channel. The full energy flow is constant and focused, until the switch is turned off, or until another switch is turned on. If we only have one switch turned on, our energy is projected through a single window and the door to our    vision easily opens. I will call this the nirvana switch.

   Unfortunately, as is more common than not, the more time that elapses from the moment you had your vision of brilliance, the greater is the tendency that you will be called to turn on more light switches, or at least divert some of the energy back to your already established energy needs. The family light switch, the work light switch, the relationship light switch, or the survival light switch, all diverting your finite human energy.

   With each throw of a new switch, the focus of energy going through the nirvana switch diminishes, the window clouds and the door begins to creek shut. Decisions made as to which light switches to turn on, and which ones to turn off, are based on any number of factors dependent on your current situation. Your moment may have provided insights or techniques on how to be or do better, but a few days after, you may find yourself mired in the same old, same old. The energy flow is diverted by you to other daily demands, and away from your rapidly dimming Nirvana switch.

       Is it perhaps that as you exited the doorway from your nirvana moment you found no windows or doors that allowed a clear view of your path, or perhaps that you did not chose to do what was needed to open them? Perhaps you did not see connected light switches or the sequence of door openings that would have focused multiple resources in support of your Nirvana switch. The reason for this lack of focus and commitment is simple; you were not focused or committed. Not to insult your intelligence but it is as simple as that. You chose to turn on other switches, close the shades, and walk through more familiar doors, or you defaulted to those that were opened for you by others. Or perhaps you are awash with Nirvana visions and have selected to open multiple switches, windows and doors to compound your chances of success. Unfortunately like a dog that runs faster to catch his tail, the results disappoint regardless of effort. This may not always be a negative thing and there is no need to wallow in self-pity, but it does lead us to a new way of thinking about opportunity. So, before you spend another dollar on a seminar, class or brilliant Nirvana vision, you need to consider a few things first.

   First and foremost you need to listen to what your gut is telling you, but do not confuse your gut with your ego. Your gut will allow you to focus an inner passion, whereas ego must be fed by the praise and accolades of others. Once you are confident in the gut vs. ego distinction, you now need to write your vision of Nirvana down. Our minds are easily distracted, like a monkey in a room full of bananas, so we must be sure to leave ourselves reminders of the messages and brilliant revelations that we receive.

  Paint as clear a picture as you can to visualize all the elements, the more detailed the better, perhaps more importantly, the more realistic the better. Not to be a killjoy, but speaking from personal practice, a lot of time and energy, both of which are limited, can be wasted if you do not give these elements consideration. If you think this exercise, which may take a couple hours, is a waste of time, how do you expect to provide the needed energy to travel the path to your vision of Nirvana? In the simplest of terms, how badly do you want it?

   Keep your journal close to you at all times, even next to your bed since some of the most brilliant ideas will come to you in your sleep. Easily said, easily understood, yet if you cannot grab your journal within 30 seconds of reading this, you need to do better. No Nirvana in mind? Try answering this question.

What would you attempt to do if you knew that you could not fail?

   It is also a good idea to start a file for each of your nirvana switches. Be aware of underlying similarities and synergies that each of these light switches, windows and doors may share. You should also look to discuss your Nirvana journey with those who may help sharpen your clarity or gain needed knowledge. But as I reflect on my own experience perhaps I missed a step here, not unlike many others. Why are you at the seminar or why did you have the moment in the first place? There is obviously some motivation to be or do more as you gazed through some window. If everything is going well in your current situation, you most likely are on this journey to enhance the results you achieve in your current situation. The other possibility is that you are unhappy or restless in your current situation, and are looking for a new doorway to tomorrow. Either way, when we consider things from an energy management view point, if you are going to take a good portion of your day to plan, attend or invest in anything, shouldn’t you have weighed the benefits ahead of time?

 

   You should be starting to see the tip of the iceberg as to why our light switches dim. Most of the initial thrill of our big idea is based in emotion and ego. That’s not all bad, emotion is a huge factor in any pursuit, but we all know where ego got General Custer. While most give him all due credit for his resolve and his ability to motivate people at Little Big Horn, he is none the less a prime example of someone who chose to pass through the wrong door. It is OK to make mistakes and have setbacks, for if your vision is clear they will serve as opportunities for learning that will strengthen both your resolve and results. But unlike General Custer, you need to pause and re-evaluate when things just don’t seem to be working out as planned. 

   I do not profess to know your situation or have your answers, the only one who does is you, and this is a reality you need to become comfortable with. Once you have hashed things out, mind body and spirit, you will be able establish clear focus and undying commitment. So get out there and energize your Nirvana switch, clean your windows and fling open your doors…..,

The future is, and always has been, yours!

 

Mini Workshop

 Try answering a few of the following questions to start your exploration. As you continue this process, more questions and more answers will emerge; write them down! Do not be constrained by the table below it is for illustrative purposes. You can also use a large blank sheet so your mind can wonder. 

Nirvana		You	Others in your life
1	What will the financial, personal and / or spiritual Gain be?
2	What will the financial, personal and spiritual Investment be?
3	Will it be worth It?
4	Who will need to be involved / leveraged?
5	What will need to be given up?
6	What will need to be invested in? Skills, Talents, Equipment and materials.
7	Are personality and talent switches wired to release the energy needed for the pursuit?
8	What switches will need to be turned off to divert additional energy if needed?
9	What will the extent / impact of the transition be? (see Change Quotient WS)
10	How will you gauge your progress, what milestones will you use?
11	How will you know if you opened a wrong door or turned off the wrong switch?

Layers

The layers of our body, mind and spirit build up continually throughout our lives, weaved of our daily experience. Every time we laugh, every time we feel joy, do well, help another or nurture our relationships a layer is placed, the greater the joy, the thicker the layer. Our layers have been placed to protect us, defend us, help us gain acceptance or move us toward some perceived goal. Layers are also placed every time we are hurt, every time we are manipulated or intimidated, lied to, abandoned or deceived, and every time we discredit ourselves through self-defacing acts. This normally occurs when we are the ones doing any of the later mentioned above.

The buildup of these layers is largely unavoidable as much of the deposit occurs at the cellular, some may say spiritual, level. The thickest layers are laid during our formative childhood, yet experience and genetics can add much to the wonderfully ornate matrix. It is most important to understand that we have the ultimate control over the placement, removal and management of these layers, especially if you come to find that some are leading you to uncomfortably dark tunnels, hurting those closest to you or holding your true potential at bay.

Eventually layers manifest themselves in physical or mental characteristics. The more you exercise the stronger you become, the more you read or meditate the more enlightened you become, the more you interact, the stronger your social skills become. The more you are deceived, the more shielded you become, the more you try to gain acceptance, the more you accept the layers of others, the more ….(you enter your own special circumstance here), the thicker the layers become. Like a gently falling snow, inches turn into feet.

Layers, as with anything, can be good, bad, or any shade in between depending on your particular life experience and perspective. Yours are a mixture of conscious experience and barely perceptible sensitivities, they are uniquely you. With each stimulation of our hippocampus, each release of dopamine, or energy spike, a microscopic layer of memory is laid to memorialize the event and the results of our reaction to it.

These layers become who we are, influencing our actions, reactions and urges, and ultimately how we impact others, in mind, in body and in spirit. Our individual perceptions of our true being are dependent on our awareness of our layers. Sounds easy but the problem is that few of us are actually even aware of these deposits. Can you see all the trees in your forest?

This understanding will allow you to examine your layers so you can build on the positive ones, better manage the ones that give you that special edge, and remove the ones you have come to detest. Do not think that I am sending you on a demon hunt or advocating some manner self-sacrifice, this is not about guilt, this is about freedom, understanding, strength and a tomorrow that is a little better than yesterday.

This leads us to our insight on the deeper process of deposit and more importantly the journey that must be followed to peel off the unwanted layers, once you consciously agree that something is clouding your true being. Let’s start with a simple examination of one of the most common cause of built up layers in our lives, food. You will hopefully note that the same process discussed here is at the root of most of our layers.

Eating food stimulates many things in our life. At the most basic level, it provides assurance that we will live another day, drawing on just the right nutrients to satisfy the needs of our body. Miraculously the cells in our body go to work on each bite of food we take, looking for all the needed pieces, just as if they were building a fortress. These cellular workers add the acid to breakdown that piece of food just right or a few white blood cells to take care of that unwanted bacteria. A little vitamin D from that bite will be taken to the bones, and the salt is just right for our fluid balance and nerve conduction needs. Just enough carbohydrates to throw into the furnace, the rest they will store for colder days. Our bodies and minds unite to operate as a perfect machine, making split second, imperceptible decisions for our well-being.

Our minds, consciously or subconsciously, influence our actions to select the next meal built off the experience of the last. This is no doubt how cooking our food came to be as the roasted meat and gristle has a more pleasing, stimulating taste, and this is also why we eat fried chicken instead of fried skunk.

We now find that we have advanced to the point where food is no longer viewed simply as our next life giving meal; it has transcended its basic function and taken on a whole new social and entertainment value, which in its self produces reactions within the body and mind that are pleasurable, oh so satisfying and potentially addicting, in some cases having nothing to do with the food itself. Much of our social world is built around food. Bagels at meetings, our next romantic date at the most impressive restaurant, new colorful, benefit promising packaging, or the urge for the latest advertised food like product, all move food into a new social playground. The layer is added to our being, and our waistline.

I am not trying to delve into an examination of addiction here as I believe it is a well-known concept that unfortunately is not well understood. When, as a society, our primary treatments for anything are endless diagnostic tests and pills, it is a clear sign that we do not understand something and perhaps this is another layer of its own. More so an explanation of the difficulty we may run into when we try to confront troublesome layers. If we do not embrace how they were laid the paint we use to cover them will eventually fade.

The miracles of modern science have indeed produced some very effective means of fixing the particular thing that ails you physically or mentally. Yet as the lengthy disclaimers attest to, the unanticipated effects are not well understood. What is understood, and very well by the way, is our own ability to cast off even our deepest, darkest, unwanted layers. It is the most effective solution to discard the unwanted baggage of your life and allow your positive, untarnished layers to rise to the surface.

The first step is obviously to identify the layers and what people or events helped form them, hopefully before the negative ones totally consume you. Do not be discouraged if you feel they already have, for they too can be cast off. It does take a little more work on your part, no magic pills or miracles here, but they can be shed. Now it is time to do some deep soul searching and for this you may need an outside tour guide to help you through your personal journey. You can start this expedition simply enough, working through questionnaires or checklists and making entries in journals, perhaps a relaxing massage and some meditation to help your mind find the answers it seeks.

As you continue to do these activities on a regular basis you will be preparing yourself for the deeper questions, and the more important answers. Answers that at first you may not understand nor even hear, until you are sufficiently along in your journey and ready to hear them. Each answer will unfold at the correct time allowing yet another layer to fall off, to be replaced with a new shiny enlightened one. Eventually these answers will resonate beyond your mind, moving throughout the cellular structure of your body to align with the energy of your spirit. In closing, regardless of where you are in your current journey, always remember you are in control, you’re OK.

In Search of Perfect

Is the definition of perfect for a frog the same as perfect for a giraffe? Obviously not, but if the giraffe adopts a vision of perfection as defined by a frog, as in their perfect ability to hide from lions, or the perfection of their ability to survive on a staple of flies and bugs, the giraffe will quickly become disenchanted. The giraffe will soon lose self-esteem and perhaps plunge into a deep dark depression once the realization hits that (s)he will never attain this elusive vision. The frog will revel in the folly.

The only view of perfection that is relevant is the one you hold in your mind’s eye.

I Know It, But I Don't Believe It

I know I am a good person, but I don’t believe it!

I know I am the best at what I do, but I don’t believe it!

I know that I will find that dream job, but I don’t believe it!

I know my family loves me, but I don’t believe it!

I know I love myself, but I don’t believe it!

I know I am OK, But I don’t believe it!

   After reading the statements above, think hard; think down to your soul. We all know many things; things about ourselves, things about others, things about our chosen profession and indeed the world. We all know our skills and abilities; our limits, our likes and dislikes, at least to a certain extent. We all know what “Ideal” would be. Some may indeed reach this ideal yet many do not, for they do not believe they can.

   We have all been aggravated in our personal relationships or at work and we have all thought we could do better. We all know that we are better than or deserve more than our current situation provides, but we do not believe it; we do not believe it in our soul, and we do not believe it on our hearts. We hold ourselves back, we sabotage ourselves, or we let others do it to us. We look for reasons why things will not work, after all “I could never do that” or “the change is so uncertain, too much at stake to take the chance”. We know we can do or be more, but we do not believe it. More accurately, we do not believe in ourselves. Perhaps we have been conditioned by the beliefs of others as to what our ultimate role in life will be. Driven by their beliefs of who we are or what we are capable of. Maybe we are paralyzed by the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, or the fear of the unknown; all are situations where we have let negative beliefs, ours or someone else’s, dominate us. Or perhaps we find ourselves in a somewhat comfortable place and have grown apathetic, telling ourselves, “This will do”, an ultimately more mentally defeating place. But we can change this; it is within each of us.

   Think of anyone you know of that has achieved greatness; Helen Keller, Gandhi, Michael J. Fox  or let’s say Rosa Parks (insert your own vote here). All did not only know they could do it, they believed. They embraced the vision in their head, the energy, and the focus that pointed them to their universe.

   Where did it come from? What is their magical formula? Where did they buy the pixie dust to sprinkle on their heads to take them from knowing to believing? Many books on the topic, I have read most of them. Many movies, I have watched them also. We may begin to believe that it is simply a script, a fantasy created to make us feel good for those fleeting minutes that we are engaged with the source. Deep down we believe these stories are about others, not us. Our accomplishments seem pale by comparison and we discount them. We know that these people are just like us, but we don’t believe it could ever be us.

   So again I ask, where does belief come from? The concept of belief is usually equated to religion. If we look to religion to help us define this we see that belief is more of a mental process or spiritual affirmation as opposed to an observable, quantifiable truth. Our mental process and spiritual affirmations are also influenced by past experience and perceived reality. With this realization perhaps we are getting a little closer to where our belief in ourselves comes from, whether positive or negative. Typically when we think of belief we look up, but what we need to do is look in. Looking in is often easier said than done. Looking in requires quiet contemplation, a recollection of past success, an exploration of current opportunity and strengths. We may find that we have been caught in the trap of reflecting only on that which is negative from our past or present. Or perhaps we allow others to influence our beliefs of the world and our belief in ourselves. Even if this belief is nurturing and positive, it will not make a difference until WE believe it.

“We can not value our accomplishments, or believe in our potential, until we value and believe in ourselves”

   "I knew I could put a new window in my house, but until I did it I did not believe it. I knew I could make the sale, but until I did, I did not believe it." In these scenario’s you found a belief in yourself through the accomplishment of a task, you had a thought, you got up off the coach and went and did it!

   "I knew I could find true love, but until I did, I did not believe it. I knew I was OK, but until I saw me, I did not believe it." With these scenarios the meaning is less quantifiable. What is true love? What is OK? Until you realize that these elements are defined by you and only you, you will wrestle with your belief in yourself. Close your eyes and let the world go for a minute. Reflect on your inner thoughts and feelings to find your answers. Once you do, write them down so you can reflect on them in the future. 

   Belief is when you look in the mirror and smile.

   Belief is when you just know things will be OK, when you nurture your soul, when you believe you are right.

   Belief comes from the very roots of the soul, from the deepest crevice of your heart and the whole of your brain.

   It can not be touched or held or put on a shelf. Your belief in yourself comes from within, from your conversations with yourself! If these conversations are negative, you will have negative beliefs, when they are positive the world will open to you.

That is where belief comes from! It was inside you all along.

Crossings

“They totally changed my life!” It may be a spouse, a close friend or a public figure, or it could be a single act, a single encounter or fleeting glance. Regardless of the complexity of the encounter these crossings occur every day of our lives, throughout our lives, and they all influence our lives. Crossings can lead us to unlimited joy, lift our spirits, give us hope, re-assure us, teach us and send warm waves of connectedness through our bodies. Crossings can be subtle and barely perceptible or so powerful that they can rescue us from certain physical or mental tragedy.

Few would argue that we find ourselves in challenging times, whether a result of the economy, strained relationships, or lack of relationships. Regardless of how dismal our current moment appears to us, that moment will be replaced by a completely new moment,….in just a moment. That next moment is influenced largely by you, but perhaps even more so by the opportunity for new experience, new connections, and new crossings.

Before I get too much farther I should clarify that crossings for our purposes are seemingly random events as opposed to planned strategic or manipulated events. I acknowledge that these too are crossings, and will most likely be covered in the next piece, but for today I am simply examining that random, odd, unexplained karma like events that occur in all our lives. It could be a simple observation, a random act of kindness, a past acquaintance, or a random introduction to the friend of a friend. These random events occur continually and unavoidably in our waking hours, unless of course you spend your days locked in your room or other metaphoric dark place. If that is the case, you need to take this with you to the book store, find a place to sit comfortably, and read it again.

To better illustrate, let’s take a peek at the crossings that may occur during this trip to the book store. To get there you will walk, drive, take a cab, ride the bus or your bike. On your route you may first see your neighbor, do you like them? Why of why not?

Next in your path is a glimpse of someone you have never seen. Who are they, where did they come from, what are they like? Your assumptions will most likely be formed in a split second at the subconscious level based on any number of attributes. Clothes, hair style, body type, and the way they walk, the way they stand, the car they are driving, and whether they acknowledged you.


The crossing could be as simple as that, or perhaps you give them a nod to acknowledge their presence, or stop to help them with an apparently difficult task, or comment on the weather or the book they are reading, (without being a creeper). I could continue to lead you through your journey but that would take away your fun. The point is that often we are oblivious to those around us, perhaps a societal influence but a choice we make none the less. Crossings are often subtle and you need to be open and aware of others in your world for there to be any effect.

As you think about the crossings that have or may occur in your life, realize that you are actually comparing them to yourself; your views, your self-image and your numerous social stigmas. Note that you may not even know the person, and probably never will, but in that moment, you have, consciously or subconsciously, made a judgment. A judgment about them and yourself, it is unavoidable. With this knowledge we can open up new opportunities, new directions or simply confirm our affirmations.

The crossing may occur in a store, when you acknowledge a common, reaffirming, viewpoint on pricing, quality or availability. It may be a simple comment you make to someone who appears to be having a bad day, a simple “let me help with that”, no major commitment and no expectation. Yet the simple crossing may have restored a person’s faith, it may have affirmed that there is still a good side to people. In this split second you have taken a little coldness out of the world and benefit from the good feeling as a result of the act. I will admit this type of crossing is often imperceptible and you most likely will not bring it up at the dinner table, but there is no denying that the crossing had an effect and left an impression at some level.

We witness a kind act, the simple holding of a door, or a nod that acknowledges a presence in this world. These simple crossings may be merely a fleeting moment of cognitive affirmation or they may lead to new lifelong pursuits or friendships. Someone who has absolutely no understanding of our current situation or our “Issues” ultimately may provide an opportunity to start anew, to reframe our current experience, to give us a fresh new perspective based in a view of another’s reality, or simply to make us smile. Despair can be replaced by hope in a fleeting unplanned second. A crossing may be a new face in the crowd, a never approached neighbor, a stranger on the street, a reconnection from the past, someone that has been in our life all along that we simply choose to ignore, or the friend of a friend that totally changes our life for the better.

“A stranger is a friend we have not met yet” - William Butler Yeats
(“But the same applies to enemies, so beware” – Jim Tippett)

How many times have you randomly bumped into an acquaintance from the past? It is common to explore each other’s journey through the years. Where have your mutual friends ended up, what’s their latest take on life, why did we fall out of touch? In these scenarios we automatically rewind our life to the period of time that we were acquainted. We then push play and relive the times between the then and the now, we take a journey reliving the period and then see how we have grown, how we have fared and how we are positioned for the future. In this wonderful social networking age, bumping into those from the past is much easier. It may be less authentic and open to manipulation than looking into someone’s eyes, but it works. You may find how they vaulted hurtles in their life, how they achieved, or how they failed. We may think we have it bad, but soon find that our crossing has similar problems or worse, perhaps providing an opportunity to reach out, to grow, to find comfort and support or simply commiserate. This crossing may even present an opportunity to build a new, rekindle missed opportunities, or launch a future life altering journey.

We may even simply just reflect on crossings that have led us to where we are now, a good friend, a casual acquaintance that became our spouse, the supportive boss, or perhaps we crossed with manipulators, liars and cheats. To be true to ourselves, we do need to look at the bad crossings with the same reflective thoughts as the good. Many may find their lives shattered, along with their self esteem, as the result of a negative crossing. The sooner the individual can grip the reality of a negative crossing, the sooner they can enjoy the positive crossings.

Some of the most influential crossings occur when we just happen to be in the right place at the right time. These may include introductions between friends or acquaintances, a new job or the view of a new career, a delay that keeps us from harm, or places us next to a life changing crossing. Our perspectives on the world can be changed and enlightened in a simple moment, a single look, a single hand shake, or blown by the wind off a butterfly’s wing.

I now challenge you to go out into your world and for at least one day, be aware of the crossings in your life. Chances are you will not be able to capture or count them all, but allow for some quick reflection on the ones you do. Remember this requires no planning or manipulation on your part, just let it roll. The crossing itself is random, what happens from there is up to you.

Classic Crossings

You really did not want to be there, (the wedding, the meeting, the event) but during the event you became a part of an interaction that had a positive impact, or you influenced some element of the event that would not have been the same had you not been there.

Where did you meet your spouse? It was a crossing. Where did you get your current job? It was a crossing.

A driver’s frustration as viewed in the rear view mirror makes me laugh, especially when there is absolutely nothing they can do about the jamb. The crossing reaffirms my calmness.

We have all meet someone who some may say “have it all together”. But when examined deeper they have the issues as every one of us. They have either masked the other element s or are narrowly focused on a simple life task.

We see a visually pleasing scene or a visually disturbing scene, the model or the bag lady. It could be the blonde or the brunette, the fat guy, the kid, the trouble maker, the house wife, the business man, the crook. All leave us with an impact or an affirmation. In observing another person we may find that we tend to “classify” them under one of our preconceived notions or stigmas. But in actuality we are classifying ourselves.

Sporting events are full of crossings, positive crossings if you are sitting on the home side, potentially negative if you selected the visitor’s side.

We meet in kindergarten and our life paths are intertwined forever.

We meet at work, on a project team, after a week or so we either like each other or start to scheme on the others demise. Lifelong friendships can emerge from a single assignment.

We hear a new song, a new voice, a tone, or we key in on something no one else hears. Concentrate on the sounds around you. A fire truck siren leads to someone who is having a worse day than you.

Have you read an article or visited a website that interests you? Send an e-mail to the person or contact asking for more info or give your feedback on their work. Or simply forward it to an acquaintance who you feel may gain benefit. The newer the relationship or the quicker the crossing, the less judgmental it is, and the less the baggage deposit. Realize however that in a good relationships there is no baggage, or at least the persons “issues”, or past are not viewed as baggage. They are viewed as a positive element in the molding of who they are.

You may meet someone with a totally different perspective on an issue, or life for that matter. At first you may mutter “What in the heck are they all about?” Later, if you happen to reflect on the crossing, you will most likely find an element of wisdom or usefulness, a tool to help you in your own journey of understanding.

I am sure you can continue this list with many of your own experiences. Please feel free to do so at my blog - http://ioyn.blogspot.com/

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

For some, sex, drugs and rock and roll are as American as apple pie, yet increasingly it is becoming Porn, overdose and Emo Music. The internet and high tech cell phones have made sex a public sport, the drug problem is almost everyone’s problem and music with self defacing and violent lyrics are gaining in popularity. How we react to these influences speaks volumes about our susceptibility to outside forces. This article is intended to examine these traditions of our culture.

First Sex, we often hear of the school teacher, the priest, the judge or the governor ending up in trouble over some sexually related miscue and these are just the stories that have been newsworthy. Most are appalled at these behaviors yet when we engage in discussions about what are normal versus deviant sexual desires the debate continually encroaches on significant gray areas. We as a society then attempt to set boundaries or express feigned abhorrence. There are many resources on the subject of sex, from plain old missionary sex to the wildest of unimaginable perversions, coupled with beliefs ranging from abstinence to polygamy; like it or not all are a part of our world.

It is no surprise that searching the simple word “pictures” on the internet not only produces numerous social networking sites but an ample sampling of pornographic web sites as well. Let’s not be so ignorant as to blame the porn industry, or the internet, or whomever else we want to make a scapegoat to deflect and blur the true vision. The billions of dollars are coming from somewhere. Similar to all social ills, whether it is sex drugs or rock and roll, it is not the media itself, but the available and willing participants on both sides of the producer / consumer relation that allows it to thrive. We find these media replacing our need for caring, nurturing, touching and feeling with artificial emotion and simulated connectedness. When our basic physiological and psychological needs are not met through what popular opinion would consider normal, the pleasure centers of our mind often induce very powerful compulsions to act in ways that may ignore basic safety and or mute our realization of consequence in our quest for acceptance.

I am not advocating censorship, puritanism, or abstinence for that matter, I am advocating responsibility. It is in our very nature of our survival to have sex, but like electing not to shop at a store you don’t like, you can shun the impact of the degrading and relationship destroying porn, by taking it for what it is, a business out to make a profit, not a portrayal of loving relationships.

It is imperative to continually work to build healthy open relationships in which sex is as natural and enjoyable as drinking a glass of water, defined only by the consenting participants not encroached on by social stigma or stereotype. I realize that is a relatively simplistic solution, the lure of the “Dark side” has offered feigned adoration to all genders, races and creeds. But the quicker it is revealed as overt, albeit well masked, manipulation and control, the better able we are to resist the degrading onslaught and restore our balance.

But let’s leave the shadowy behind the screens world and emerge to mainstream society. Effective advertising has and hopefully always will rely on visually stimulating images to entice us to buy things. It is commonly accepted that sex is used sell, and yes sex is used to sell to women the same as to men. This is perhaps the most universal of truths in our culture. Whether it is an attractive model, male or female, or suggestive wording, advertising with sexual connotations is the most effective. Five dollar foot longs? I rest my case. But my case is, so what? It’s as plain and natural as the dance of the prairie chicken; it is what makes us human. None of us would be here were it not for some hot steamy animalistic gyrations. Let’s face it, when our desires, any desires, are left unsatisfied, our drive to satisfy that desire intensifies, this is basic human nature. It can even be argued that the more one abstains or suppresses the urge for sex, the more perverse the addiction becomes.

Now I am not saying that relationships are all about sex, but a good portion of the mix is, at least the psychological bashing we give ourselves when the sex part isn’t up to someone’s par. Given all the commercials for Viagra and Enzyte there must be something to this reasoning. Add in engrained childhood beliefs, the latest sexually transmitted disease statistics and conflicting pressures from friends, school officials and parents, and coping becomes even more challenging. Continually we just don’t talk of such things. That is unless we are in the company of our nonjudgmental friend the computer, or within the security of our lives back alley.

Drugs next, I find it interesting to note the similarities to sex, remembering that “human” thing. Drugs are all around us, caffeine, aspirin, pain pills, nicotine, prozac, viagra, marijuana, and crack cocaine, all are drugs. Some legal, some not, some available off the shelf, some only by prescription, others only on a shady street corner or your nearest high school, but each can be as damaging as the next depending on the extent of the use. Water can kill if you drink too much of it.

The joys experienced with most of these drugs, similar to sexual stimulus, are powerful forces indeed. Our escape from reality, our need to focus, our need to sleep, the lack of inhibition, the power rush or enhanced performance are all behavioral re-enforcers augmented by these little helpers.

Notice however, that it is normally only a temporary solution, soon the effects aren’t as great as they once were or the cost becomes too high. Unless you really screw up and your self inflicted suicide attempt works, the world and all its wonderful problems will still be there when you wake up from the daze. The sellers are truly in a buyer’s market aided by the media, evolving societal standards of what “good performance” should be, the pharmaceutical companies “save the world theme”, and aggressive underground back alley marketing techniques that put Mary Kay to shame. Like porn on the internet and prostitutes on the street, drugs are there because someone is buying them, from the scope of the problem lots of people are buying them. I can’t be so hypocritical as to tell you what you should or should not do, this is about knowing the difference between moderation, which you control, and obsession which is controlled or at least nurtured, by others. They influence you to do something that benefits them, and eventually destroys you, if you let it. It is your choice, and only your choice. You can surrender or choose to defend your self by taking control of your current reality and the manipulative forces in your life.

Lastly Rock and Roll Music, all music for that matter, has always carried a message, but some artists in recent times appear to be taking on more of a main stream violent and self degrading nature. Yes there has always been, and hopefully will continue to be, a stand up to “the man” theme, but like the internet there is a dark side. But to think that by listening to a song we will start to act like a mindless robot is ridiculous, even though the artist may relish in that outcome. Music can indeed have an influence over us. It has been shown scientifically to influence mood, perception, actions and even physiological reactions within the body, both good and bad. Yet I would argue that if something as simple as a song can influence our life experience to the cellular level, why can’t we? Well the answer is we can! We have control Houston, yet many continually look to their rock star hero to define their life. Realize that in all these situations, you are being manipulated to some extent, whether by emotionless sex, the lure of drugs, holiday cash or songs with “my life is in the pits”, self defacing, hypnotizing lyrics. Their goal is to take your money and/or destroy you. Some want to end your marriage, some want you hooked on drugs and some want you to buy their music, they care absolutely nothing about you. But if that’s your thing just make sure you are not capsizing the relationships that matter most to you.

The intent here is to identify one area of our existence that will provide continued sources of turmoil if we are not willing to have open, honest and non judgmental discussions with those closest to us. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll will always live on, it is human nature. But the more we suppress these discussions of our reality, the more they become dirty little secrets and mental afflictions.