Someone To Talk With

Is simple conversation, or the lack of it, at the root of our mental health? We all need someone to talk with, but the quality of the conversation and the dynamics that occur during the interaction can yield a variety of outcomes. Simple, unstructured conversation, even with strangers in the checkout line or at sporting events can send a warm feeling of connectedness through our bones. Conversations with those closer to us may tend to be more probing, manipulative or judgmental, and can create many of the chilling impacts at the root of some of our most common social dysfunctions. The intent of this article is to explore the impact that simply talking with our children can have on mental health, both theirs and yours.

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Psychotherapy techniques explored by Carl Rogers in his book "On Becoming a Person", show a distinct connection between the quality of the conversation and the success in moving the patient closer to what he terms as actualization. In actualization a person moves toward what they would like to be, or more toward the person they truly or naturally are. His work, in part, emphasizes the quality of the relationship, built off the nature of simple conversation, as a key factor in the effectiveness of his approach. Further work by Edward L. Deci in his book "Why We Do What We Do", explores in part, how the nature of a conversation effects motivation.

We have all read, or at least heard of books on negotiation, selling techniques and parenting that instruct us to look for and respond to reactions and in general how to have a conversation. Unfortunately, the very structure of this coaching may degrade the overall outcome as it is often viewed by the receiving party for what it typically is, manipulation and control. However well masked, when we were on the receiving end, we perceive the conversation as manipulative or coercive, or that we are some how being told what to do. It makes us feel foolish when our thoughts and concerns are simply cast off by the other with a simple statement to make our problems seem so trivial. "Well, be happy you don't live in Biafra" or "You don't appreciate how good you have it!" or "When I was growing up we had to eat worms!" We may not be able to define what we are feeling, but we know it is there, and we shut down, rebel, or worse look for a potentially undesirable resource to explore our issue with.

As parents we think we need to control the situation, be the strong one or be the one with all the answers, but this causes us to be shielded and less authentic. Once we admit that we may not be, the conversation becomes more real. Many times an issue will be beyond our ability to cope, we do not have to have all the answers, but we do need to listen and work to become a part of the situation, and hopefully the solution, at its root. Realize that we can all learn, and we can all grow. This learning and growth occurs when each is open, and non judgmental. This is a scary place for many, the world is a scary place but we can not hide from it. It is OK to speak of our feelings, and listen to others feelings, we are not all the same, we are all individuals, no matter the age.

I have two sons, raised in the same house, I have a sister, raised in the same house as I, my wife has two brothers, raised in the same house, and each is wonderfully different and unique. Even in the same house our experiences, our feelings and our views are different, and that is OK.

As parents, my wife and I have found few right answers but we have found many best answers, and the best answers are born from both sides opening up, listening, absorbing and exploring. We have worked to become less judgmental, less reactionary and more focused on just talking. We are coming to realize that the issues one may be facing are indeed issues facing us all. Our child's exploration of their particular issues may in fact provide a mirror reflecting our issues, the discussion of which makes us all stronger.

We have also become better at listening for a conversation. Conversations do not start at a set time nor do they always start when they are convenient. If you have to make a schedule to talk, you may have lost the moment, the intimacy, and now made it a more bureaucratic schedule. You have now diverted the need for your children to talk with someone, to someone else. The ones they turn to for these conversations may in fact be manipulative or incomplete in the conclusions that are reached void of our knowledge and experience. While some may scorn the texting craze and the so called web 2.0, it has given our children someone to talk with, almost immediately. Some of us do not have big families or many friends, often that makes the idea of finding someone to talk with a little more difficult, but no less important to our well being. This technology may indeed prove beneficial at some level, but we should be cautious not to let these sources replace us. If you are beginning to feel as though they have, you need to examine your current style of communication.

If your past discussions have been strained you need to find an ice breaker. Start by striking up a conversation related to an issue you may be having and ask for their advice. If you don't have one already, schedule a family night to play a game or watch a movie. I strongly recommend Good Will Hunting but I am sure there are many other mutually engaging ones. Conversations should be a sharing event, both learning and reaching for who we are, no one is in control, both are open, neither is judgmental or controlling. I am talking about the need for a simple exploration of what is going through our minds. Be in the moment, there does not have to be a topic, no direction, no starting or ending, but the end result will be a deeper communication. Someone to talk with is a process, not just one chat. We do not always solve things in a single conversation, sometimes a sounding board may be all that is needed. How fantastic it would be to have some one to just talk to about things, openly, without judgment, without expectations, without argument, without repercussions, without fear. How big a bonus would it be if it were our parents?

If all else fails, don't be stymied by getting outside help, or one day you may awake to a scene you do not want to imagine. For parents the question is not "where did I go wrong?" It is "where do we go from here?"

Light Switches, Windows and Doors

Light Switches Windows and Doors

By Jim Tippett

  This is not a workshop on home remodeling, just one on remodeling how you pursue opportunities and perhaps your life. As I reflect upon the coming of the New Year and my obligatory resolutions, I keep coming back to these simple concepts, more so realizations, on how, with the use of a little metaphoric liberty, they hold the key to our success and quality of life.

   Light switches are used to control the flow of energy; windows are used to allow light and fresh air to come into our lives and to allow us to gaze out into our world or into others. Doors are used to provide a walkway into or out of different areas of our lives. Doors can be locked to keep us safe or they can be barred from the other side. As with light switches and windows, we select to fling the door open to new opportunity or simply keep it shut. The important thing to understand is that the opening and closing is controlled, or at least strongly influenced, entirely by you.

   First, light switches. We have all attended an inspiring seminar or class, and we have all come up with that really great idea or resolved to manifest a New Year’s intention. The moment truly inspires you, your mind is alive with possibilities, and you feel in touch with the way things are supposed to be. The light switch is on and the juice is flowing, every neuron is firing with potential, you cannot wait to get to “IT”. You leave the moment through a different door and as you pass through you notice a different world than the one you left just a while ago. The air is fresher, the colors are brighter and you are walking with a new confidence. You can view a new day, a new you. You can see each step of the path and the way around every obstacle is clear. What happens from that point forward is the basis of this workshop.

   The light switch, when turned on, allows energy to flow through your chosen channel. The full energy flow is constant and focused, until the switch is turned off, or until another switch is turned on. If we only have one switch turned on, our energy is projected through a single window and the door to our    vision easily opens. I will call this the nirvana switch.

   Unfortunately, as is more common than not, the more time that elapses from the moment you had your vision of brilliance, the greater is the tendency that you will be called to turn on more light switches, or at least divert some of the energy back to your already established energy needs. The family light switch, the work light switch, the relationship light switch, or the survival light switch, all diverting your finite human energy.

   With each throw of a new switch, the focus of energy going through the nirvana switch diminishes, the window clouds and the door begins to creek shut. Decisions made as to which light switches to turn on, and which ones to turn off, are based on any number of factors dependent on your current situation. Your moment may have provided insights or techniques on how to be or do better, but a few days after, you may find yourself mired in the same old, same old. The energy flow is diverted by you to other daily demands, and away from your rapidly dimming Nirvana switch.

       Is it perhaps that as you exited the doorway from your nirvana moment you found no windows or doors that allowed a clear view of your path, or perhaps that you did not chose to do what was needed to open them? Perhaps you did not see connected light switches or the sequence of door openings that would have focused multiple resources in support of your Nirvana switch. The reason for this lack of focus and commitment is simple; you were not focused or committed. Not to insult your intelligence but it is as simple as that. You chose to turn on other switches, close the shades, and walk through more familiar doors, or you defaulted to those that were opened for you by others. Or perhaps you are awash with Nirvana visions and have selected to open multiple switches, windows and doors to compound your chances of success. Unfortunately like a dog that runs faster to catch his tail, the results disappoint regardless of effort. This may not always be a negative thing and there is no need to wallow in self-pity, but it does lead us to a new way of thinking about opportunity. So, before you spend another dollar on a seminar, class or brilliant Nirvana vision, you need to consider a few things first.

   First and foremost you need to listen to what your gut is telling you, but do not confuse your gut with your ego. Your gut will allow you to focus an inner passion, whereas ego must be fed by the praise and accolades of others. Once you are confident in the gut vs. ego distinction, you now need to write your vision of Nirvana down. Our minds are easily distracted, like a monkey in a room full of bananas, so we must be sure to leave ourselves reminders of the messages and brilliant revelations that we receive.

  Paint as clear a picture as you can to visualize all the elements, the more detailed the better, perhaps more importantly, the more realistic the better. Not to be a killjoy, but speaking from personal practice, a lot of time and energy, both of which are limited, can be wasted if you do not give these elements consideration. If you think this exercise, which may take a couple hours, is a waste of time, how do you expect to provide the needed energy to travel the path to your vision of Nirvana? In the simplest of terms, how badly do you want it?

   Keep your journal close to you at all times, even next to your bed since some of the most brilliant ideas will come to you in your sleep. Easily said, easily understood, yet if you cannot grab your journal within 30 seconds of reading this, you need to do better. No Nirvana in mind? Try answering this question.

What would you attempt to do if you knew that you could not fail?

   It is also a good idea to start a file for each of your nirvana switches. Be aware of underlying similarities and synergies that each of these light switches, windows and doors may share. You should also look to discuss your Nirvana journey with those who may help sharpen your clarity or gain needed knowledge. But as I reflect on my own experience perhaps I missed a step here, not unlike many others. Why are you at the seminar or why did you have the moment in the first place? There is obviously some motivation to be or do more as you gazed through some window. If everything is going well in your current situation, you most likely are on this journey to enhance the results you achieve in your current situation. The other possibility is that you are unhappy or restless in your current situation, and are looking for a new doorway to tomorrow. Either way, when we consider things from an energy management view point, if you are going to take a good portion of your day to plan, attend or invest in anything, shouldn’t you have weighed the benefits ahead of time?

 

   You should be starting to see the tip of the iceberg as to why our light switches dim. Most of the initial thrill of our big idea is based in emotion and ego. That’s not all bad, emotion is a huge factor in any pursuit, but we all know where ego got General Custer. While most give him all due credit for his resolve and his ability to motivate people at Little Big Horn, he is none the less a prime example of someone who chose to pass through the wrong door. It is OK to make mistakes and have setbacks, for if your vision is clear they will serve as opportunities for learning that will strengthen both your resolve and results. But unlike General Custer, you need to pause and re-evaluate when things just don’t seem to be working out as planned. 

   I do not profess to know your situation or have your answers, the only one who does is you, and this is a reality you need to become comfortable with. Once you have hashed things out, mind body and spirit, you will be able establish clear focus and undying commitment. So get out there and energize your Nirvana switch, clean your windows and fling open your doors…..,

The future is, and always has been, yours!

 

Mini Workshop

 Try answering a few of the following questions to start your exploration. As you continue this process, more questions and more answers will emerge; write them down! Do not be constrained by the table below it is for illustrative purposes. You can also use a large blank sheet so your mind can wonder. 

Nirvana		You	Others in your life
1	What will the financial, personal and / or spiritual Gain be?
2	What will the financial, personal and spiritual Investment be?
3	Will it be worth It?
4	Who will need to be involved / leveraged?
5	What will need to be given up?
6	What will need to be invested in? Skills, Talents, Equipment and materials.
7	Are personality and talent switches wired to release the energy needed for the pursuit?
8	What switches will need to be turned off to divert additional energy if needed?
9	What will the extent / impact of the transition be? (see Change Quotient WS)
10	How will you gauge your progress, what milestones will you use?
11	How will you know if you opened a wrong door or turned off the wrong switch?

Layers

The layers of our body, mind and spirit build up continually throughout our lives, weaved of our daily experience. Every time we laugh, every time we feel joy, do well, help another or nurture our relationships a layer is placed, the greater the joy, the thicker the layer. Our layers have been placed to protect us, defend us, help us gain acceptance or move us toward some perceived goal. Layers are also placed every time we are hurt, every time we are manipulated or intimidated, lied to, abandoned or deceived, and every time we discredit ourselves through self-defacing acts. This normally occurs when we are the ones doing any of the later mentioned above.

The buildup of these layers is largely unavoidable as much of the deposit occurs at the cellular, some may say spiritual, level. The thickest layers are laid during our formative childhood, yet experience and genetics can add much to the wonderfully ornate matrix. It is most important to understand that we have the ultimate control over the placement, removal and management of these layers, especially if you come to find that some are leading you to uncomfortably dark tunnels, hurting those closest to you or holding your true potential at bay.

Eventually layers manifest themselves in physical or mental characteristics. The more you exercise the stronger you become, the more you read or meditate the more enlightened you become, the more you interact, the stronger your social skills become. The more you are deceived, the more shielded you become, the more you try to gain acceptance, the more you accept the layers of others, the more ….(you enter your own special circumstance here), the thicker the layers become. Like a gently falling snow, inches turn into feet.

Layers, as with anything, can be good, bad, or any shade in between depending on your particular life experience and perspective. Yours are a mixture of conscious experience and barely perceptible sensitivities, they are uniquely you. With each stimulation of our hippocampus, each release of dopamine, or energy spike, a microscopic layer of memory is laid to memorialize the event and the results of our reaction to it.

These layers become who we are, influencing our actions, reactions and urges, and ultimately how we impact others, in mind, in body and in spirit. Our individual perceptions of our true being are dependent on our awareness of our layers. Sounds easy but the problem is that few of us are actually even aware of these deposits. Can you see all the trees in your forest?

This understanding will allow you to examine your layers so you can build on the positive ones, better manage the ones that give you that special edge, and remove the ones you have come to detest. Do not think that I am sending you on a demon hunt or advocating some manner self-sacrifice, this is not about guilt, this is about freedom, understanding, strength and a tomorrow that is a little better than yesterday.

This leads us to our insight on the deeper process of deposit and more importantly the journey that must be followed to peel off the unwanted layers, once you consciously agree that something is clouding your true being. Let’s start with a simple examination of one of the most common cause of built up layers in our lives, food. You will hopefully note that the same process discussed here is at the root of most of our layers.

Eating food stimulates many things in our life. At the most basic level, it provides assurance that we will live another day, drawing on just the right nutrients to satisfy the needs of our body. Miraculously the cells in our body go to work on each bite of food we take, looking for all the needed pieces, just as if they were building a fortress. These cellular workers add the acid to breakdown that piece of food just right or a few white blood cells to take care of that unwanted bacteria. A little vitamin D from that bite will be taken to the bones, and the salt is just right for our fluid balance and nerve conduction needs. Just enough carbohydrates to throw into the furnace, the rest they will store for colder days. Our bodies and minds unite to operate as a perfect machine, making split second, imperceptible decisions for our well-being.

Our minds, consciously or subconsciously, influence our actions to select the next meal built off the experience of the last. This is no doubt how cooking our food came to be as the roasted meat and gristle has a more pleasing, stimulating taste, and this is also why we eat fried chicken instead of fried skunk.

We now find that we have advanced to the point where food is no longer viewed simply as our next life giving meal; it has transcended its basic function and taken on a whole new social and entertainment value, which in its self produces reactions within the body and mind that are pleasurable, oh so satisfying and potentially addicting, in some cases having nothing to do with the food itself. Much of our social world is built around food. Bagels at meetings, our next romantic date at the most impressive restaurant, new colorful, benefit promising packaging, or the urge for the latest advertised food like product, all move food into a new social playground. The layer is added to our being, and our waistline.

I am not trying to delve into an examination of addiction here as I believe it is a well-known concept that unfortunately is not well understood. When, as a society, our primary treatments for anything are endless diagnostic tests and pills, it is a clear sign that we do not understand something and perhaps this is another layer of its own. More so an explanation of the difficulty we may run into when we try to confront troublesome layers. If we do not embrace how they were laid the paint we use to cover them will eventually fade.

The miracles of modern science have indeed produced some very effective means of fixing the particular thing that ails you physically or mentally. Yet as the lengthy disclaimers attest to, the unanticipated effects are not well understood. What is understood, and very well by the way, is our own ability to cast off even our deepest, darkest, unwanted layers. It is the most effective solution to discard the unwanted baggage of your life and allow your positive, untarnished layers to rise to the surface.

The first step is obviously to identify the layers and what people or events helped form them, hopefully before the negative ones totally consume you. Do not be discouraged if you feel they already have, for they too can be cast off. It does take a little more work on your part, no magic pills or miracles here, but they can be shed. Now it is time to do some deep soul searching and for this you may need an outside tour guide to help you through your personal journey. You can start this expedition simply enough, working through questionnaires or checklists and making entries in journals, perhaps a relaxing massage and some meditation to help your mind find the answers it seeks.

As you continue to do these activities on a regular basis you will be preparing yourself for the deeper questions, and the more important answers. Answers that at first you may not understand nor even hear, until you are sufficiently along in your journey and ready to hear them. Each answer will unfold at the correct time allowing yet another layer to fall off, to be replaced with a new shiny enlightened one. Eventually these answers will resonate beyond your mind, moving throughout the cellular structure of your body to align with the energy of your spirit. In closing, regardless of where you are in your current journey, always remember you are in control, you’re OK.

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll

For some, sex, drugs and rock and roll are as American as apple pie, yet increasingly it is becoming Porn, overdose and Emo Music. The internet and high tech cell phones have made sex a public sport, the drug problem is almost everyone’s problem and music with self defacing and violent lyrics are gaining in popularity. How we react to these influences speaks volumes about our susceptibility to outside forces. This article is intended to examine these traditions of our culture.

First Sex, we often hear of the school teacher, the priest, the judge or the governor ending up in trouble over some sexually related miscue and these are just the stories that have been newsworthy. Most are appalled at these behaviors yet when we engage in discussions about what are normal versus deviant sexual desires the debate continually encroaches on significant gray areas. We as a society then attempt to set boundaries or express feigned abhorrence. There are many resources on the subject of sex, from plain old missionary sex to the wildest of unimaginable perversions, coupled with beliefs ranging from abstinence to polygamy; like it or not all are a part of our world.

It is no surprise that searching the simple word “pictures” on the internet not only produces numerous social networking sites but an ample sampling of pornographic web sites as well. Let’s not be so ignorant as to blame the porn industry, or the internet, or whomever else we want to make a scapegoat to deflect and blur the true vision. The billions of dollars are coming from somewhere. Similar to all social ills, whether it is sex drugs or rock and roll, it is not the media itself, but the available and willing participants on both sides of the producer / consumer relation that allows it to thrive. We find these media replacing our need for caring, nurturing, touching and feeling with artificial emotion and simulated connectedness. When our basic physiological and psychological needs are not met through what popular opinion would consider normal, the pleasure centers of our mind often induce very powerful compulsions to act in ways that may ignore basic safety and or mute our realization of consequence in our quest for acceptance.

I am not advocating censorship, puritanism, or abstinence for that matter, I am advocating responsibility. It is in our very nature of our survival to have sex, but like electing not to shop at a store you don’t like, you can shun the impact of the degrading and relationship destroying porn, by taking it for what it is, a business out to make a profit, not a portrayal of loving relationships.

It is imperative to continually work to build healthy open relationships in which sex is as natural and enjoyable as drinking a glass of water, defined only by the consenting participants not encroached on by social stigma or stereotype. I realize that is a relatively simplistic solution, the lure of the “Dark side” has offered feigned adoration to all genders, races and creeds. But the quicker it is revealed as overt, albeit well masked, manipulation and control, the better able we are to resist the degrading onslaught and restore our balance.

But let’s leave the shadowy behind the screens world and emerge to mainstream society. Effective advertising has and hopefully always will rely on visually stimulating images to entice us to buy things. It is commonly accepted that sex is used sell, and yes sex is used to sell to women the same as to men. This is perhaps the most universal of truths in our culture. Whether it is an attractive model, male or female, or suggestive wording, advertising with sexual connotations is the most effective. Five dollar foot longs? I rest my case. But my case is, so what? It’s as plain and natural as the dance of the prairie chicken; it is what makes us human. None of us would be here were it not for some hot steamy animalistic gyrations. Let’s face it, when our desires, any desires, are left unsatisfied, our drive to satisfy that desire intensifies, this is basic human nature. It can even be argued that the more one abstains or suppresses the urge for sex, the more perverse the addiction becomes.

Now I am not saying that relationships are all about sex, but a good portion of the mix is, at least the psychological bashing we give ourselves when the sex part isn’t up to someone’s par. Given all the commercials for Viagra and Enzyte there must be something to this reasoning. Add in engrained childhood beliefs, the latest sexually transmitted disease statistics and conflicting pressures from friends, school officials and parents, and coping becomes even more challenging. Continually we just don’t talk of such things. That is unless we are in the company of our nonjudgmental friend the computer, or within the security of our lives back alley.

Drugs next, I find it interesting to note the similarities to sex, remembering that “human” thing. Drugs are all around us, caffeine, aspirin, pain pills, nicotine, prozac, viagra, marijuana, and crack cocaine, all are drugs. Some legal, some not, some available off the shelf, some only by prescription, others only on a shady street corner or your nearest high school, but each can be as damaging as the next depending on the extent of the use. Water can kill if you drink too much of it.

The joys experienced with most of these drugs, similar to sexual stimulus, are powerful forces indeed. Our escape from reality, our need to focus, our need to sleep, the lack of inhibition, the power rush or enhanced performance are all behavioral re-enforcers augmented by these little helpers.

Notice however, that it is normally only a temporary solution, soon the effects aren’t as great as they once were or the cost becomes too high. Unless you really screw up and your self inflicted suicide attempt works, the world and all its wonderful problems will still be there when you wake up from the daze. The sellers are truly in a buyer’s market aided by the media, evolving societal standards of what “good performance” should be, the pharmaceutical companies “save the world theme”, and aggressive underground back alley marketing techniques that put Mary Kay to shame. Like porn on the internet and prostitutes on the street, drugs are there because someone is buying them, from the scope of the problem lots of people are buying them. I can’t be so hypocritical as to tell you what you should or should not do, this is about knowing the difference between moderation, which you control, and obsession which is controlled or at least nurtured, by others. They influence you to do something that benefits them, and eventually destroys you, if you let it. It is your choice, and only your choice. You can surrender or choose to defend your self by taking control of your current reality and the manipulative forces in your life.

Lastly Rock and Roll Music, all music for that matter, has always carried a message, but some artists in recent times appear to be taking on more of a main stream violent and self degrading nature. Yes there has always been, and hopefully will continue to be, a stand up to “the man” theme, but like the internet there is a dark side. But to think that by listening to a song we will start to act like a mindless robot is ridiculous, even though the artist may relish in that outcome. Music can indeed have an influence over us. It has been shown scientifically to influence mood, perception, actions and even physiological reactions within the body, both good and bad. Yet I would argue that if something as simple as a song can influence our life experience to the cellular level, why can’t we? Well the answer is we can! We have control Houston, yet many continually look to their rock star hero to define their life. Realize that in all these situations, you are being manipulated to some extent, whether by emotionless sex, the lure of drugs, holiday cash or songs with “my life is in the pits”, self defacing, hypnotizing lyrics. Their goal is to take your money and/or destroy you. Some want to end your marriage, some want you hooked on drugs and some want you to buy their music, they care absolutely nothing about you. But if that’s your thing just make sure you are not capsizing the relationships that matter most to you.

The intent here is to identify one area of our existence that will provide continued sources of turmoil if we are not willing to have open, honest and non judgmental discussions with those closest to us. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll will always live on, it is human nature. But the more we suppress these discussions of our reality, the more they become dirty little secrets and mental afflictions.

Get Over it - What do you need to get over?

Often times we get so wrapped up in the little aggravating stuff that it distracts us from living life to its fullest. We may get distracted or aggravated by things we really can't control or do anything about.

When we can't get over "it" we are stuck in the past. Instead, get over it and move ahead. Many of the things we need to get over seem innocent on the surface, yet in our mind may be major psyche changing distractions, evoking seemingly irrational actions or behaviors. Are these driven by our perceptions gone wild, or are we acting in line with some preconceived or expected script? By working through the get over it worksheet, or simply jotting your thoughts down in your journal, you come closer to the real answers.

There are many other issues that fall into the “Get over it” classification, and the idea is for you to start generating your own list of the silly little things that you let distract, dissuade or even devastate you. Ask yourself how often these annoyances have diverted your focus to things that are of little consequence in your life? Unless you plan on doing something about it, and I am not saying you should not, the anger and negative emotions are simply eating you up. There are plenty of things that truly require our attention, focus there. The main message here is that things are never as bad as we think they are and much of our worry is overrated and generated by outside influences. What will my friends think? What will my family think? What will my boss think? All valid questions, but they should not drive us to the point of paralysis, psychosis, ongoing bad feelings or even worse doing something stupid. By getting over the stuff, that in actuality is relatively minor, we can focus on the issues that truly impact our lives. Once you begin to do this consistently, you will begin to get a better understanding of how you view things allowing you and your loved ones to get closer to you!

We all have recurring thoughts or themes in our lives. Realize that this is part of who you are. The people you hang out with, the intensity of your religious and various personal beliefs, the clothes you wear the pictures on your wall, your thoughts toward your fellow human beings, both those closest to you and strangers. Are you more trusting or suspicious? When the cashier gives you too much change, what do you do? All indicate the direction that our morale compass points. You can change direction if you think you are lost, but to change direction you need to fully understand what direction you are headed now, and more importantly, who is guiding you. Now that I have you grappling with moralistic issues, Get over it! You know how to live your life, you know what you like, what you believe, what your morale and ethical limits are, it’s you, stop questioning it.

Start by jotting down the things that you feel you may need to get over, list a few options outlining what you can do about it, if anything, and by what date you plan on doing this. Once you have gotten over it, place an X next to it. Make copies and stick this on your refrigerator as a constant reminder of how great you are.

GET OVER IT WORKSHEET
1. What bothers me?
2. What can I do about it?
3. Action plan / deadline
4. I Got Over It! (X)































This is an important first step and will identify many of the psychological pressures you currently deal with allowing you to better handle them without freaking out